Saturday, August 10, 2013

A Lesson in Blessings.

It's recently popped into my head that I might be... No. I am really bad at this whole blogging thing. I'm actually surprised there isn't dust on my keyboard. However, this surprise really isn't a surprise as I write from a laptop. If you close the top, there's no dust. Ta-da!

Alright, now that my sad attempt at levity via sarcasm, which didn't sound so well in my head, turned out even worse typed you, it's time to move on to more important things... Well, thing: Life. More specifically, My Life.

It's strange to think that I've graduated. It really doesn't feel any different. I don't look different. I don't feel smarter. In fact the only thing I'm feeling right now is broke. Something I didn't acutely feel when I was going to school.

Before you run off to college, everyone tells you that going to college opens windows and doors of opportunity. Now that I've graduated, I feel like the windows are too small for me to squeeze through or too high for me to reach while all the doors are being slammed in my face. Two months of unemployment was not what I had in mind.

But now I have a happy little job working part-time where I stand on my feet for 8-10 hours one day a week. Exciting? In a manner of speaking. I interact with so many interesting people that the fact that I woke up this morning hardly able to move because I was so stiff didn't really bother me. Actually, it made me feel like I made a difference somehow. I'm not entirely sure how yet. But it's there. I know that.

My mother pointed out that I needed to stay positive. And I'm trying. But it is that time of year again. And I think the fact that I've graduated may be settling in. I look at the people around me, mostly Peter and Elizabeth, and I see them trying to figure out things for school. I see them sorting out paperwork and deciding on job things for while they're in school while I sit here with writer's cramp at all the applications I fill out. Needless to say, it's a little disconcerting.

I suppose the thing that is really getting to me is that the semester ended so quickly that maybe there was no closure. Maybe that's why I didn't feel any different. Why I don't feel any different. I finished classes, graduated, took my finals, and moved out in a matter of five days. There was no goodbye. No see you in a few months.

So far the weirdest thing was driving to see my best friend in her apartment. As she still lives in York, it was weird to drive back. The first time I'd driven that direction in months. The whole drive there, all I could think about was how I wasn't going to have to make that trip to move my things in. I would be making the trip to help Peter move back in. But I wouldn't have to wait in line to have my photo taken. I wouldn't have to climb stairs to move my things in. I wouldn't have a visit from my lunch buddy asking when the soonest we could hang out.

There's nothing.

And I don't say these things to be sad or depressing. At least I hope that isn't the case. I say them because I'm coming to terms with my new reality. Something I didn't have time to grasp. But as of right now, I'm okay with it all.

Three schools in five years taught me that things change. It isn't always what you want. Sometimes it isn't even what you thought you needed. In my three years at York, I grew close to so many people. Though I won't see many of them or be able to keep in touch as frequently with the rest as I would like, I know we are all going to be okay. We're all going to learn things. And we are all going to move forward in our lives. In the good moments and the bad. This is our blessing. Whether you believe in it or not.

I've heard it said that education will teach you all you need to know. I think for some, the learning and reflecting hits harder after the pursuit of education. Because you never stop learning. You may not be in the formal educational setting, but you are always leaning.

And that is what I've learned and will continue to learn. My Life. A lesson. A blessing.