So, theoretically, I should be studying for a COM Theory test, but I'm a little hyped up and writing is a stress reliever, so you are once again graced with the presence of my sarcasm. That is assuming that people actually read this. And you've heard what they say about assuming. But let us pretend for a few minutes that I live in my happy delusional world…
The reason I'm not studying is probably a good place to start. It could be said that I'm just being a procrastinator, but that's not the case. And I'm not just saying this because I know my mom reads this (Hey, look. One reader.). I'm saying this because I submitted a form to make my first chapel announcement. Granted, this should not be that hard, but when you're afraid of speaking publicly, it's like taking a small child to the top of the diving board, pushing them close to the edge and saying, "Hey kid. Sink or swim."
Not so much.
But as president of my chapter of Sigma Tau Delta (what a mouth-full), it was going to happen because we don't technically have PR people. [Please insert dramatic sigh here.]
But I'm trying to panic too much. The announcement is scripted. Bonus, right?
You know what happens to a nervous person when they have something scripted. They can't read it. Their eyes flitter across the page. They lose their spot. They stutter. The "Um"s come out. The "Er"s and "Uh"s quickly make an appearance. They fidget. They talk too fast that no one even knows what just came out of their mouth. And sometimes they don't even read what's on the page and embarrass themselves even more.
Now you don't have to wonder why my anxiety kicked in a little bit. You've all been there. But this leads me to my point.
Two and a half years ago, I'd never thought I'd be doing anything I'm doing right now. I never thought I'd be president of my chapter of the English Honor Society. I never thought I'd be president of my social club. Heck, I didn't even think I've be part of a social club. I never thought I'd have made the friends I have now. I didn't think I would have conquered my fears. I never thought I'd work the night shift. I never thought I'd have a blog. I never thought I'd be very open on my blog. I never thought I'd have taken a train 36(ish) hours. I never thought I'd be in a relationship. Normal, everyday drama aside, I never thought I'd be this happy--that there'd be a smile on my face before I went to sleep that night.
But I am so very lucky.
And as this week progresses into next, I have to keep that in mind. Painful memories come and go, but I have to hold on to the happy ones that kept me going through the rough. I have to look at the memories where things were good and not focus on the bad and utterly depressing. I have to look forward.
Because no matter how bad, things are good.
Life is good.
And I never thought I'd be this optimistic.